License to Fight*

It was late in the night when a loud argument broke out.

My neighbor and I reached our respective front doors simultaneously.

Mickey yelled “Shut up!”

I yelled “Take it down the street.”

The man yelled back “It’s okay. We’re married.”

* Mind Your Own Business Hank Williams, Sr

Coffee Shop 86?

Mickey and I were playing a quiet game of Scrabble in the Bisbee Coffee Shop Sunday evening. Three people walked into the coffee shop, using their outside voices. Whether we wanted to or not, we had to hear the argument.

Bart and Nicolas were arguing about whether Nicolas had parked closer than he should have. Ginny joined in politely with a loud, “Frenchy Fuck, go back to your own country.”

Things had begun to settle down when the manager came over to explain that he was in charge since the owner wasn’t there. If they left quietly, he wouldn’t tell the owner about the incident. The battle started again.

Finally the parties in question left, and we won’t tell anyone who won the Scrabble game.

Valentine Romantic

I was returning from High Desert Market

I met a group of young men. The last guy was carrying a single rose. The guy was already drunk.

Guy:  Are you going to Circle K?
Roger: Yes.

Guy: We were at the Circle K. I’m not drunk.
Roger: {It seems quite evident to me that he is drunk.}

Guy: I just wanted a beer. Then I was going to give her this rose, but she wouldn’t sell me a beer. Tell the bitch that I’m not drunk.

Roger: Yeah, sure.

Guy: Elbow bump. You tell her, Bro.

I stopped in the Circle K to let the gals there know that they were famous.

Beggar’s Etiquette

Davie used to beg in front of the Circle K. When he parked his pickup to begin his begging session, he sometimes blocked our gate. My wife wasn’t happy about this and let Davie know about it. Thereafter Davie was more careful about where he parked. He maintains a respectable space from my wife.

Davie must have gone to a beggar’s convention where they discussed ways of cutting out the middle man. Now instead of begging for change, he carries a gas container. I guess that he gets splashes of gas instead of spare change.

One evening I was taking a walk and I encountered Davie. He was putting three ne’er-do-wells into his pickup. When he saw me, he told me “Don’t worry, I’ve got them all in one container”.

Safeway carry out

I went to Safeway to get my prescription filled. Of course, I would have to wait for an half hour to get my drugs.

I was hungry for a candy bar. I went through the grocery line with a chocolate bar.

Since I had only one item I said that I didn’t need a bag. The cashier handed me my receipt. “Here you are Roger. Do you want help carrying things out?”

Garbage Collection

One morning the Bisbee Garbage and Sewer crew was picking up garbage on Tombstone Canyon Blvd. The workers wore clothing that was color-coded, The orange outfits were for prisoners encouraged to do work for the city. The driver/supervisor wore a florescent green jacket with reflectors on it.

The prisoners were throwing garbage bags onto the the almost filled truck, and the driver was directing traffic around the truck.

One of the prisoners threw a bag high onto the top of the pile on the truck. When the bag landed the contents of the bag spewed out a white spray of rotting garbage to the other side of the truck, splattering the only person there, the driver.